‘You Don’t See Me…’
“I don’t want to go to practice with you!” I whined, getting into the car. He sighed and looked at me, rolling his eyes, “And don’t think just because you’re Steve Yzerman that you can get away with not listening to me. I’m not just a little fan girl, I’m your daughter. You better listen to me.”
“Would you stop complaining? You are as hardheaded as I am. You always want to come with me. Why not today?” he asked, pulling out of my driveway. I rolled my eyes. I’d started work six months ago as medic for the Pittsburgh Penguins and Dad insisted on going to the rink with me. I couldn’t see why; I was 24 years old for God’s sake. He didn’t need to follow me around and be such a stubborn man all the time. But then again he was scouting for the Griffins this year… and the Red Wings. And as much as I’d grown up being a Red Wings girl and the daughter of possibly the greatest Captain of all time I’d never really been a huge fan of the Western Conference. I’d loved the Bruins growing up and the Devils through my teens. And now I was a Pens fan and it would never change. I loved my team and I loved the players. Moreover I loved the sport. I wasn’t going to let my family’s lineage change that.
“I don’t want you following me around and having everyone star struck again. It was bad enough when they announced my name the first game that I got booed out of the arena. I’m still taking enough shit from being a Yzerman in Pittsburgh. And tonight’s our game against the Wings. I’m not exactly thrilled about having you hanging around on top of it. I want to be a part of this team and you’re not making my life easier.” I said, staring out the window as we got to the rink and he parked right next to Sidney’s car. I hadn’t even thought about him. The first thing he’d done when I’d gotten here was ask me about my dad. He’d looked up to him. It was one of the ways I got so comfortable here in Pittsburgh. Sidney Crosby was one of my best friends.
“Well then act like I’m not there.” he suggested thoughtfully, getting out of the car and shutting the door. He adjusted his suit and started to walk away, leaving me dumbfounded. How was I suppose to act like my father, the best Captain the Red Wings had ever had and one of the greatest players in history, didn’t exist?
I walked into the arena and he was waiting for me in the lobby though I knew for fact he knew where he was going. I smiled and led him around to where everything was. He was reveling in the fact that I was so successful now. I was reveling in the fact that he wasn’t being attacked from all sides from everyone around. A few of the people setting up their things smiled and waved at me, looking at him with a raised eyebrow and a few others just waved and looked away but it was nothing like what usually happened. He was usually mobbed.
“Where’s your office?” he finally asked the question I’d been waiting for. He wanted to go through our locker room. He wanted to feel the atmosphere. He wanted to make himself known. I sighed and led him to the door, puling it open and hearing all the familiar voices that I’d come to love over my months here. One in particular. I remembered what had happened when I’d mentioned it to my mother.
‘You know damned well that you can’t date someone out of your hockey class! You are suppose to be one of the best hockey players in the world under your father! You can’t do that! Simply unacceptable! And don’t even bother asking your father! God! Why would you even ask that! Get that thought out of your skull! Never! I’m shocked at you! Get out of here until you realize just how high class your hockey skills are! Don’t ever suggest that again.’
God, talk about abusive, Mom. I let Dad in and he walked through to the locker room. They all quieted immediately. I walked in after to see Sidney, awestruck. Eric came over and gave me a hug.
“Hi Bernieee!” he whispered happily, picking me up off the ground. I smiled when he put me down and looked up at him. He was so much taller than me in skates.
“Hey Godsy.” I whispered back. Sidney stood up.
“Hi Mr. Yzerman. Uh…. I uhmm..” it was the first time I’d ever heard Sidney Crosby speechless. No, second only to when his now wife had said yes to his proposal. Dad shook his hand with force and it snapped Sid out of it. This would be interesting. Eric was the only one that came with me, through everyone that was fawning over my father, to my office to chat with me.
And the game was pretty much like that too. Everyone was obsessed with talking to my Dad, who insisted to Dany that he would stand in the runway instead of sitting in the box up top to watch the game. Of course Dany felt that it wasn’t okay but Dad was hardheaded and always got what he wanted. I watched quietly from my place on the bench as the game went on. Eric fought. I tensed up and leaned over the bench as they spun. My Father’s glare bore holes in the back of my head.
><><>Eric’s POV><><><
I sat down in the box and stared across the ice into the beautiful eyes of a woman I’d fallen madly in love with. And for a second our eyes met and I shivered. I’d just taken down Todd Bertuzzi in a go round that had taken almost two minutes and she was the one giving me shivers.
‘This is the place where I sit, This is the part where I love you too much.’
I sighed and rubbed my face, trying to make sure I could focus on the game and not simply getting lost in the fact that for a second it seemed like she was more worried about me than she needed to me. She was a Yzerman. She was above my class. She was a manager. She was completely and undoubtedly out of my reach. Eternally.
This had been going on for far too long. I’d been friends with her ever since she’d gotten here. I was the only one that wasn’t completely star struck by her family lineage. The only one not completely a jerk to her on her first few weeks just because he held her name. She seemed nice enough and I’d found she was completely bafflingly amazing. I was in so over my head.
It began the first night we’d gone out to the movies. I’d only ever seen her up to that point in her suits and occasionally, for special occasions, a jersey of her father’s. Other than that though, I hadn’t ever seen her really. I’d finally gotten up courage to ask her to go out with me; only as friends because anything above that had escaped me at the last minute; and watching her walking towards me in perfect jeans and a purple tank top had taken me back a few notches with the courage factor. She looked so beautiful and I was so not prepared. From that minute on I’d been trying to stay as close with her as possible. To no avail. She’d never accept someone like me anyway. It was a pointless love.
The game floated on and I heard her laughter when I reached the bench. I sat at the end, knowing my shift wouldn’t come again until the second when we needed another brawl. Finally she came down to me, like she usually did, and tilted my face towards hers. I held as still as I could and refrained from wanting to just lean a few inches forwards towards her; forcing our lips to touch. It was maddening.
“How’s your cheek?” she asked, turning and reaching for a medical stitch to close the gash on my right cheek. I smiled when she turned back to me and looked hard at work. I knew she wouldn’t see it. She was far too focused on fixing me up.
“It’s fine. My knuckles hurt like a mother fucker though.” I replied, wishing so hard I could just tell her how I was feeling. She held my hand up to her face and looked at it, moving my fingers and pressing down on my knuckles. It hurt a little but I wanted to be strong.
“Do you want some painkiller? I have a syringe in the medic bag if you-” she began. I shook my head quickly.
“No no. It’s fine. It’s probably just that they need cracked.” I shook it off quickly, cracking my other knuckles on my knee. It hurt worse now than it had before but I held that in, smiling at her. She laughed and kissed the hand she was holding. I was floating.
“Good man. You’re so damn strong. I love it.” she told me. My knuckles were sending waves of pain through my body but my brain told them no. I was making a good impression. I wasn’t going to show her weakness.
‘This is as hard as it gets, Cause I’m getting tired of pretending I’m tough.’
I went out for that next shift and I hit Rafalski a few times, hard enough to send pain down the rest of my body from my knuckles before he got a shot in on my face that knocked me down and for a loop. I was taken out of game after that due to the fact that the room was spinning to me. Bernie was following me down the runway. I felt like I’d failed but it was so hard being strong all the time. I smiled to myself a little, though, when she bent down and sat her cheek on my forehead. I knew I was overheated so she’d probably put me under ice to get it down while she checked everything else. I fought harder every time I was out just so that I made sure I would end up out of game, alone with her so we could chat.
She’d never see me for anything more than just another enforcer. And I’d never accept it. I fought hard for her attention, for any shred that told me she knew I existed. It was hard. She acknowledged me as a friend but more than that, nothing had ever gone right for me. So far we were just best friends. Somehow that was and wasn’t enough for me. But right now, in this room, alone with her, it seemed like enough.
“It’s broken, Gods. I need to set it back again. Do you have your mouth guard to bite into?” she asked, holding my hand close to her as she looked it over to check and see which fingers needed to go back into place and which ones needed to be splinted. I sighed and nodded, watching her mind’s gears turning.
“Yeah, give me a minute.” I said, pulling it out of my jersey with one hand and sliding it into my mouth, though if I could help it I wouldn’t bite down. Anything to get her to notice my toughness, to get her to notice more about me. To maybe get her to like me. She held my hand close and with a jerk three fingers went back into place. Another and my index finger was set again. I could about scream but I held it in. I tried to distract myself from the pain with the one thing that could hold my attention best. “So…. How’s everything with Paul?”
“Uhm… we’ve had better times. He’s having a problem with me being gone so much on his off season and he doesn’t want to compromise since he’s gone during my off season,” she rolled her eyes. He was such an asshole to her. Star starting pitcher for the Pittsburgh Pirates. He was such a dick for being on such a mediocre team. “So we’re not really talking much. I’ve been staying in my apartment more than his house while I look for a house of my own. It’s been… kinda hard.”
“I’m sorry, babe.” I told her, watching that small smile cross her face. It always did when I gave her a pet name. Never once had I ever heard her boyfriend do it so I took it upon myself to make her feel wanted. And it wasn’t like I was lying to her.
‘I’m here if you want me, I’m yours; you can hold me, I’m empty and achin. And tumblin and breakin’
I sat there, watching the game with her on a flat screen she’d put up in her office. Her chair was definitely more comfortable than the bench. But next year we’d be in the Energy Centre and we’d have all the comforts we’d ever want. I just wasn’t sure I’d be here another year after my contract went up. I hoped so. I wanted to be around for her through everything she was going through. Besides the fact that I wanted to play hockey for the Pens for as long as I could. They were making me better. I was making myself better because I had something to prove.
I leaned back and laughed when she yelled at the tv. Watching her now I couldn’t have told she was a Red Wings daughter. She could’ve easily been a born and bred Black and Gold Pittsburgh girl. I smiled when she turned to me and her face turned a little shade of pink. It was nice to see at least she knew I was there.
End game and we still sat there, chatting like we were old friends. I loved it, every single second of it. Sidney and Max popped their heads into the room and out of my peripheral I could see them both smirking. They’d been on my case to just ask her out for sometime but no matter how big a jerk her boyfriend was I wouldn’t take him from her.
“Hey. Do you guys want to come out to the club with us tonight?” Max asked with a smirk. Bernie and I turned to look at him at the same time and, after confirming with eye contact, she answered.
“I’m down for that.” she answered back with a broad smile that cut her face nearly in two. I’d never been out to a club with her. She’d almost knocked me dead at the movies. I could only imagine what it’d be like this time around. I’d probably pass out or hyperventilate.
Hours later I sat with Jordan, Max, Sid, Brooksy and Geno; talking over a couple of on the house beers when my eyes floated off towards the door. In strolled a brunette, hair curled perfectly not a single one out of place. Her make up was perfect and it complimented every single curve of her body under her outfit of acid washed jeans and a lower cut shirt that read “Melt Hearts Not Icecaps.” Finally, when she waltzed right up to our table I realized that it was Bernie. I batted my eyes for a few moments in disbelief before her boyfriend, Paul Maholm, decided to take his place behind her latched on to her like she was property.
“Hey! How’re you guys doing?” she asked happily, much like she always did, as she leaned down on the table and patted Sidney’s cheek flintily. Paul tensed up like he had a problem but let it go in favor of admiring her… ehem…. Assets.
“I’d be better if the bartender gave us all another round on the house!” Jordan practically screamed. She turned and looked at the barkeep, who smiled and beckoned to her. She wandered away and Paul was left to talk with Jordan and Max.
“How was your game tonight? I didn’t see SportsCenter before we left for here.” Max asked, taking a sip of his beer. I wanted to just reach out and grab him by his collar; pound him into the pavement. I couldn’t even tell myself how many times I’d wished that it was my 28 she wore on her back instead of his. Wished it was a hockey sweater and not a baseball jersey.
“Beat the Dodgers 11-5.” he acclaimed proudly, “And how did your game go?” he replied. How completely uninterested in her life was he, really? Was he just around for her looks? Didn’t he even appreciate her wit? Her charm?
“Beat the Wings 6-2.” Sid replied with a smile as he sipped his drink. Bernie returned a few seconds later and the barkeep followed with another round for all of us, on the house. Paul smiled and Max, Jordan and Sid offered to take her out dancing. Geno and Brooksy wandered off to find girls of their own and I was left with him. Gag. His eyes were glued to her, just as mine were, as she danced with Max and Jordan. The Cha Cha Slide came through the speakers and she did it in time beautifully, getting as low as you would imagine a goalie of her caliber could. He whistled and took a sip of his beer.
“Mmmm. That’s nice.” he said with a smile. I felt sick when I saw the way he looked at her, like she as just an object and not a person.
“Mm. Agreed.” I said, trying to bait his reasons out of him. Maybe befriending him would do good for tonight. “Dancing’s not the only thing good about her, I assume.”
“Oh no, man. The sex is great. And she looks damn good in those jeans.” he commented to one side, smiling, “She doesn’t ask too many questions and she doesn’t pay too much attention. Perfect, that is.” I knew then he was a cheating, lying son of a bitch. I wanted to take him out right there but I let him go on and tell me about all his affairs on the side, all the girls he’d had while she was working on the road. All the others he’d had while he was on the road and she was home.
She came over a little bit later and kissed him. I almost screamed. I went out of my mind wishing it was me in his shoes. Wishing I was the one that she would come to and give those little pointless hugs and kisses to.
‘Cause you don’t see me. And you don’t need me.’
He pulled her drunkly into his lap and she seemed to refuse him a little. Apparently she didn’t enjoy him drunk. He struggled with her and a few seconds later she was up out of his lap and he was staggering after her.
“Paul! Leave me the hell alone! You know I don’t like it when you’re drunk!” she screeched at him but he tried to get her in his arms anyway. I stood and pushed him away. He tipped backwards and glared at me.
“Get out of my way, dumbass. That’s my girlfriend you’re protecting.” he said, clearly with one too many in his system.
“Yeah and your girlfriend said no. That’s rape. Get the hell out of here.” I defended. I could feel the fear behind me. Clearly he’d gotten to her before while he was drunk. It enraged me even more to know that.
“What the fuck ever…. If you and this guy want to be…. Together… go the fuck ahead…. Cause I have other girls better than youuu.” he called, tipping out the door. I turned on her. She was in shock but she clung onto me like glue for a few minutes and cried a needed cry. I held her and listened to her thanking me, telling me she loved me for helping her, for protecting her.
‘And you don’t love me. The way I wish you would, the way I know you could.’
<><Bernie’s POV><><
I went home and fell asleep in my apartment in the silence that was my own thoughts about Paul and Eric and how confused I was about my whole relationship. Tonight’s game had started my evening right. Paul had cheated on me before, probably multiple times if not more, and we’d just broken up. I heard my mother suddenly in my head talking to me when Paul and I had first gotten together. ‘Oh Paul Maholm! He’s a nice pitcher and a fine young man. I approve of it 100%!’ It was ironic how she’d been so wrong.
It was also ironic how Eric had been there as we’d gotten together and also there when we’d been wrenched apart by Paul’s stupidity. And somehow he seemed to make it all a little more okay, make the world a little more right. I lay down in bed quietly after getting dressed in my pajama pants and a Pens tank top; disregarding the Pirates shirt I usually wore to bed. I’d just closed my eyes and was about to fall asleep when my phone went off with a text message. I didn’t bother looking at the sender before I pushed open my Voyager and looked at it. It read simply,
‘I’m sorry about Paul. I hope you get some sleep tonight. Call me tomorrow if you’re still feeling down. Maybe we can have movie night at my house or something? Goodnight -Eric’ I smiled, pulling the phone into my chest as I curled up on my right side and fell asleep. He was such a nice person. I heard my mom again.
‘I dream a world where you understand. And That, I dream a million sleepless nights.’
‘ “Oh sure, honey. You can date whoever you want. You know your father and I both have always approved of you being happy. We don’t care about anything like status. You should be with someone who makes you happy and if they’re high up there socially that’s just a plus, isn’t it?” Mom said, smiling. I beamed back, hugging her. “Really?” I’d ask. She’d smile and nod. “Really Really, honey.” We’d go to hug, I’d wake up.’
><><>Eric’s POV><><
I jolted out of sleep and sat up in bed in a cold sweat. I ran my hand over my hair and looked at my phone, which was blinking a text message from Bernie. It was only two am but it had just come a few minutes ago. I’d sent mine at ten.
‘I’m really not okay tonight. I need someone here. Can you come over? -.Betrayal’
I smiled and jumped out of bed, throwing on clothes and practically throwing myself out the door. I drove to her place on cloud nine and ran up her stairs to her apartment. I knocked on the door and she came to it, still in her night clothes and gave me a huge hug. She took my hand and fire burned in my heart like nothing before.
Just as the door closed my eyes popped open in reality and I found myself still asleep back in my room in my house. I was wearing my shorts and she was no where even near me. I looked at my phone. It hadn’t gone off at all. It was two o clock but nothing had happened. Nothing had gone on. I hadn’t been with her. I flipped on my lamp and everything came into view. Another pointless, hopeless dream that would never ever happen.
‘Well I dream a fire when you’re touching my hand, But it twists into smoke when I turn on the lights.’
I sighed and rubbed my eyes. This was pure torture. I would never be able to get through this whole thing if I kept having dreams like that. I couldn’t even look her straight in the eyes without getting fidgety. She was a great girl. What was I? Fourth line enforcer. She was top class goalie with the last name Yzerman. Rubbing my eyes, I shut the light down again and lay back in bed. I must’ve stared up at the ceiling for hours before I could even go back to sleep but just before I’d managed to text her one more time, hoping sleep would manage my palpitating heart.
<><><Bernie’s POV><><
I woke up to someone knocking on my door the next morning around 10. When I pushed open my eyes I saw I had a text message from Eric.
‘Everything okay? I’ll come over tomorrow to check on you if you don’t answer me, sweets. -Eric’
Another knock on the door. I got up and ran my hand over my eyes, yawning as I walked to the door and opened it. Eric stood there, fully dressed and looking nice, in front of me. He smiled crookedly at me and I smiled back through my yawns.
“Hiiiii Eric.” I said half yawning again. I was still so tired. He smiled wider as I stepped back and let him in.
“I didn’t realize I was waking you up. Sorry, Bernie.” he apologized, taking up residence on my couch. I shook my head and smiled, still thinking hard about passing out again.
“It’s fine. I’m just so damned tired lately. I haven’t been getting much sleep. I keep having the same dream over and over. It’s getting to me.” I confided, sitting down next to him.
“What’s your dream about?” he questioned curiously. It was a question I had always expected to hear from Paul but one I was certainly happy to hear from Eric. It seems he cared more about my life than Paul ever had. I leaned over on his shoulder and sighed, feeling myself becoming increasingly more comfortable in his presence than I had been in almost everyone else’s on the team since I’d come here. Something about him was different. Something about him I liked more than the others.
“It’s about my mom…” I trailed off. I didn’t exactly remember when I’d dozed off but I remembered waking up to the feeling of Eric carrying me to my bed. I smiled and cuddled up into my pillows as soon as I got there. Eric sat down next to me and brushed the hair out of my eyes when I opened them just a tiny bit. I was still in a fog but I still heard what he said.
“Oh you’re so beautiful when you’re sleeping,” he started. My heart slowed down but I shivered. He threw his jacket over me because it was the only thing he could find. His scent intoxicated me. “Now if only I could get up this much courage when you’re awake. I just want to hold you and tell you everything’s going to be okay. And I’d love to make you mine.” I wouldn’t have been able to speak even if I wasn’t faking sleeping to just let him have his moment. I didn’t think I’d heard my heart beat so fast before this. He looked down over me and smiled, standing up and watching me again for a minute before leaving the room. Again, I heard my mother, but it seemed like her words weren’t as clear.
‘I’m speechless and faded. It’s too complicated.’
><><><Eric’s POV><><>
I sat down on her couch and smiled, thinking about how peaceful she looked sleeping now compared to how she’d looked last night. It was great to see that she could rest, at least. I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t just tell her how I felt, just get it out in the open. It would certainly make this easier. A knock on the door.
“Bernie! Let me in! I’m sorry, babe! I didn’t mean to say what I said! I can’t even remember it! I’m so sorry!” it was Paul. My fists tightened but I heard movement from the other room. Bernie wandered around me and opened the door in slow motion, seeming to dread it as much as I was. He picked her up in his arms and kissed her. After everything that had happened, was she really going to just take him back?
‘Is this how the book ends,’
“Hi Paul.” she said in a melancholy tone, “What do you want?”
“I just came to apologize. I really didn’t mean anything I said to you in the club and I want you back and I-” he began. She stopped him with an angry demeanor.
“Stop. I don’t need to be standing here listening to you yap about how you’re sorry. You’ve done this before to me and you’ll do it again. Get out of my apartment, Paul. I’ll find you if and when I ever want to talk to you again.” she said, attempting to shut the door on him. He pushed it back with one arm and I stood up, walking over and standing in his view behind her. He tensed angrily.
“Oh, so if you’re not with me you go and have him? You little whore. We just broke up yesterday and you’re already fucking another guy? Wow.” he scolded her, looking like he was about to hit her. I raised my hand and caught his.
“Get the hell out before I beat you into next week.” I said in a calm but threatening voice. He got the hint and left. She shut the door and sighed, looking at me.
“Thank you, Eric. You’re the best friend I could ever ask for.” she said, giving me a tight hug. And though I felt like flying because I was holding her, it felt like weights had been put on my heart and were dragging it through the floor. Friends?
‘Nothing but good friends?’
She sighed a few minutes later and let go of me, smiling a little before heading back to the couch. I stood in place, watching her calmly before following along though I felt like staying in the same place forever. I felt like being alone and somewhere far away from there right then. I wanted to be back in my house, back in my bed, fast asleep in a dream where she was mine. Back to where I could tell her my feelings.
‘I wish I was lonely, Instead of just only Crystal and see through, And obviously not enough for you’
><><><Bernie’s POV><><>
Eric stayed with me all day that day and we watched a few movies. Horror movies of course. He was the only one I’d bonded with completely on the team and we’d found that, with most things, we loved the same genres, the same shows, the same everything. It was awesome to have a friend like that.
I cuddled up close to him when we watched Hannibal, one of my favorite movies. I was so used to cuddling with Paul that I really didn’t notice what I was doing until I’d already done it. Needless to say I felt more safe in Eric’s arms than I ever had in Paul’s. Maybe because I knew Eric would never use and abuse me.
And when I got to thinking about it, I’d taken way too much from Paul. He’d beaten me repeatedly when the littlest things had happened. When his car got scratched. When he lost the ‘big game’. When he couldn’t find something. Virtually every time he was drunk. I still had bruises all over my body from where he’d beaten me last week. Thinking about that was almost enough to bring tears to my eyes.
And he was verbally abusive like no one even knew. Every time something in his life went wrong it was my fault. When he couldn’t do something that was my fault too. I was a terrible girlfriend because I wouldn’t do anything for him any time he wanted. If I didn’t have sex with him one night I was a bitch and a whore and I was sleeping around. Automatically I became the bad guy though I knew he was the one that was. And somehow I kept going back. I was almost crying and then it became difficult to see the screen. Somehow he was still bothering me and I’d pushed him out of my life. Without even a thought I buried my face in Eric’s chest and cried for a few minutes. I felt him tense up before he cradled me to him. The movie had stopped, it was quiet, and I felt suddenly aware of my sobs.
‘This is the place in my heart, This is the place where I’m falling apart’
“Eric..?” I managed, wiping my eyes before I looked at him. His eyes were scanning me in distress, trying desperately to help me.
“Yeah?” he asked quietly. I sighed and tried to gain a breath that I was missing now.
“I’m not a terrible person…. Am I?” I asked, wiping my face again. He smiled and shook his head no. I sighed and wiped one eye with the palm of my hand. Another tear fell down the other side and he wiped it away with his finger, a gesture of kindness I’d never before known.
“You’re a wonderful person.” he told me, pulling me back into his chest. I sighed heavily and now cried silent tears, enjoying the rhythm of his heart beating in his ribs. And I didn’t remember falling asleep there but I woke up in my bed the next morning with dried tears, Eric’s hoodie and a text message flashing on my phone.
><><>Eric’s POV><><>
I walked into the arena with my skates in hand and a new hoodie on my back. My phone went off in my pocket and I pulled it out with ease, checking it. It flashed a reply to my text from Bernie.
‘The arena? Sure, I’ll meet you there. Just let me get ready… be there in ten minutes.’
I smiled and walked through the quiet arena. We had it all to ourselves today since practice for playoffs wasn’t till later tomorrow night. I’d just started sliding on my skates when I heard quiet footsteps from the runway. Glancing over, I saw Bernie coming towards me in her jeans and what she liked to call a ‘halfway’ shirt. It was a specialty shirt she’d had made for her job here. The right side was the Pens side, which was like our white jersey shirts. The other side was the Red Wings’ side and it was their colors. In the middle there was a cross breed logo of the Pens and Wings. On the back it read “YZE R MEN”, Yze being in Redwings colors, R being halfway and Men being in pens colors. It was something she liked to tote around the city to get a reaction.
“Hey.” she said happily, smiling at me. I smiled back, out of pure joy. It was wonderful to get time alone with her.
“Hey.” I commented sideways to her as we put on our skates. I glanced over to see her putting my hoodie back on and cuddling up into it. I couldn’t stop myself from smiling and I kept lacing my skates. “How’d you sleep last night?”
“Uhm…” she started sheepishly, “Really good…. This hoodie is…. Really comfy.” her face was light red. I smirked to myself and stood up, waiting for her to finish lacing her skates. When she stood with me the lights fell down.
“Half power today?” I asked, looking at her. I knew sometimes Ray liked to have the lights half on on off days to keep them good longer. I suppose that made sense. Maybe.
“Guess so.” she answered, jumping onto the ice and skating backwards, hands behind her back while looking down to her skates. I followed her on and we skated around a bit. Eventually I pulled up enough courage to grab her by the sleeve and pull her around. We skated together for a while, just enjoying each other’s company and chatting.
“You so do not remember that!” she yelled at me playfully, shoving me backwards when we reached center ice.
“I do so! You and I met right here six months ago because Dany was making us run drills, you jumped on and when I was skating backwards I tripped over you.” I told her, making her face turn red.
“Nu uh.” she denied. I chuckled and patted her arm.
“Yeah, hun, that’s how it happened.” I said easily, “I remember helping you up.”
“That is not what happened.” she was so stubborn. Just like her father. I tipped her to one side and she fell down and slid a few inches away. I slid down beside her and stood up, brushing myself off.
“Ooo. I’m sorry Miss. I didn’t see where I was going. Need a hand?” I said, offering her my hand. She took it, laughing as she stood up next to me. It was almost to a T what had actually happened. “I’m Eric Godard, and you are?”
“Charmed.” she replied, shaking my hand lightly, “I remember now.”
‘Isn’t this just where we met’
“See I’m not so stupid. I remember those things.” I said quietly, realizing after a moment that we were still holding hands. She smiled and nodded, looking around and up at the arena.
“I’m glad you do. Lots of people I know forget things. They forget me.” she told me, looking sort of distant. I sighed. How could anyone forget that beautiful face? Those intricate, jewels she had for eyes. I could barely remember my own name when she was with me.
“I can’t imagine how.” I whispered quietly, watching her. She smiled a little and I felt my heart jumping. “What’re you thinking?”
“I’m thinking maybe I should give up.” she replied quickly. I felt confused and raised an eyebrow, watching her turn and sigh. “Give up on men.”
“Why’s that?” I felt my pulse racing.
“None of them have ever done anything to prove to me I should keep trying.” she explained easily. I sighed heavily, feeling in that moment more rushed than I ever had before.
‘And is this the last chance that I’ll ever get?’
><><>Bernie’s POV><><>
“That’s no reason to give up.” Eric said, looking like he was desperately trying to convince me of that very thing. I sighed again and took a step towards him, looking up into his eyes. “If everyone I knew gave up because they had a few bad things happen to them there would be no NHL. There wouldn’t be a Penguins organization. There wouldn’t be a Mellon Arena in Pittsburgh.” I smiled and kissed his cheek.
“You’re trying so hard to make me see it but I don’t think that this is the same thing, Gods.” I whispered, feeling more thoughtful and put out as time went on. He sighed and looked like he was going to begin again.
“Just because an idiot guy decided to be a huge jerk to you doesn’t mean that you’ll never find someone who won’t treat you the way you deserve to be treated.” he said, holding a smile behind his lips. I noticed then just how blue green his eyes were. Just how perfectly his hair fell into place. Just how wonderful of a person he really was.
“But Godsy, everyone I’ve dated since I was twelve treated me the same. What makes you possibly think that there’s someone out there that won’t do that to me?” I asked, feeling a few pulls in my heart and water building in my eyes. He sighed, shaking his head a little. I heard my mother and father… they were chatting on the other side of the rink with Dan Bylsma. He leaned his head on mine and smiled that sneaky smile I only ever saw when he was going to fight.
“Because I’m standing right in front of you.” he managed with barely a voice before he pushed his lips to mine shakily. I took a step forward, steadying him and smiling when he pulled away from me.
“Bernie!” my mother was squealing. I felt my father’s eyes burning holes in me. Dan was the only one I could feel smiling. And in that moment I realized that nothing my mother had ever said about men was right. Dating in my class was over rated. Being with who made you happy was what mattered most. I kissed him again and pulled away quickly, smiling with him. I realized in that moment that Eric made me happy.
“And you aren’t like everyone else?” I asked in a quiet rhetorical way. He smirked a crooked smile that showed off his bruises and scratches. He kissed my forehead and pulled me closer by my waist.
“I’m not good enough for you but I’m not like them. I’d never do anything to hurt you and I don’t see how they ever did, sweets,” he whispered to me. I couldn’t imagine how I’d been so blind to Eric before.
‘Cause you don’t see me’
“But you’re really important to me,” he went on, rocking me in his arms. I could hear my mother yelling at me, my father boiling, “And I really care about you.”
“But they cared too. What makes you special?” I asked leaning my head into his chest. I heard his heart beating steadily and suddenly become rapid and I smiled, pulling away and looking at his face. He looked fidgety and finally took a breath.
“I love you.” It was all it took for me to know he was serious. I leaned up on my skates and kissed him and felt everything I’d never felt before in a split second. In a second I realized that Eric was serious. He was different and he’d never be the same. He wasn’t in my class but I didn’t care. He was a great guy, he was a hockey player and more importantly, he was standing right in front of me. And I wasn’t exactly about to let him walk away.
“I love you too.” I whispered before he caught me again. My fate was sealed now with that one. My family could disown me. That was fine. I’d fallen head over heals for Eric Godard, a fourth line enforcer who could only score two goals a year. A man who averaged around 200 penalty minutes a year and less than a minute a game. And that was just perfect this time.
