She’d been gone now for ten years. I still didn’t know how I was going to get through my days without her. I’d said a lot of stupid things but I realized just then that this was one of the worst screw ups of my life. Through all the years and all the hockey games and even my draft nothing had striped that memory away from my mind. Even looking back on that day made me shiver with rage towards myself.
‘ “Hey Eric! How was your weekend!?” Joey called through the hall towards me as he turned the corner. He was one of my best friends but seeing him after the weekend I’d had didn’t make me smile exactly.
“Oh you know. It was alright. How was yours?” I asked as I watched my favorite girl skipping towards me with her books. She was beautiful even in the glow of the fluorescent lights of the hallways here in the High School. My heart did skips and jumps just watching her go about her own business, let alone when she was coming towards me.
“Hey Eric, Joey.” she said, kissing Joey as she got to where we were. It made my stomach crawl.
“Hi babe.” Joey said, arm slithering around her. He was such a snake. I wanted to kill him for everything he’d done to her. He’d cheated and lied and stolen her heart. And she didn’t know about any of it. I’d promised a long time ago that I would keep it a secret for him. That was before I’d gotten to know how sweet she was. That was long before she’d stolen my heart.
“Hi Bernie.” I said, opening my locker and trying to contain the rage boiling inside me at Joey. He’d been with Alyssa again this weekend and she had no clue. I wanted to kill him. “So how was your weekend, Joey?” I asked with malice. I could feel him squirming under my thumb. He’d fucked her.
“Oh it was alright. Spent some time home playing video games. Went out to lunch with Gram. Same old.” he said, smiling widely as Bernie let out a sweet aweh from her lips.
“You are such a sweetheart, Joey.” she cooed. It made my heart flutter in my chest listening to her talking. I wanted to punch Joey, though, as she gave him a long, careful kiss and turned to walk away back into her classroom.
“See you later, babe.” Joey called over to her as she walked away, smirking when he looked back. The halls were clearing. Maybe now I’d get a chance to tell him what I was feeling. He managed to beat me to the punch when the halls had finally cleared and final bell rang. We had free period so we were home free from suspension. “Oh dude, you’ll never believe it! Lyss went all the way! Oh my God I never thought she would but oh man! I spent all weekend at the cabin, you know the one up in the woods, and-.” he started hurriedly, eager to tell me all about it.
“Shut up, Joey. I don’t want to fucking hear about your weekend with Alyssa.” I growled, slamming my locker door closed. It echoed in the hallway and off all the walls.
“Woah. What the hell’s wrong with you all the sudden?” he asked, raising an eyebrow. I turned and stared down at him like he was out of his ever loving mind.
“If you want to go and fuck Alyssa that’s fine. If you want to date Bernie, that’s fine too. But at least do them both a courtesy and pick between them. Bernie deserves better than that and even a slut like Alyssa deserves better. You can fucking tell someone else about your unfaithfulness-” I started, hearing books dropping. Bernie had come out of her room when she’d noticed the note directing the class to the auditorium. Both of us turned to her and she was teary eyed already. Her pain shot me right through the heart. It was like a knife flying through my soul.
“Oh baby! No! No! Come back!” Joey screamed after her but she’d already started running. I threw down my books and pushed him back, jogging after her. Hockey had really done me some good after all. I found her in the courtyard sobbing into her hoodie; or Joey’s hoodie.
“Bernzie..” I whispered, sitting down next to her and rubbing her back. She was so sad. I’d never seen her snap so hard. Eventually I managed to pull her into my chest and hold her, letting her sob into my hoodie. When she stopped I knew she’d want to talk so I started. “I’m sorry about Joey. You can do better. He doesn’t deserve you.”
“But Gods….. I’ve been dating him since we were little! I’ve been dating him since the fourth grade. What is that, eight years? Eight fucking years gone. And for who? An asshole who cheated on me with Alyssa Somers…” she whined, voice barely above a whisper. We were getting our graduation papers tonight. Our ceremony was tomorrow and then we’d be free. And watching her sobbing was something that pained me like nothing else I’d ever seen.
“I wish I would’ve told you sooner….” I whispered, not thinking she’d heard me. When she shoved me away from her I realized she had. I realized it very quickly. She wasn’t one for quick mood changes but in a down state like this anything would happen. And anything included blind rage.
“You knew? You fucking knew?! You knew about this?” she screamed, backing up away from me with tears streaking her face like a waterfall. “You knew about him cheating and you didn’t say anything to me!? I thought we were friends! I thought you fucking cared enough to tell me! What the fuck is that? That’s no friendship I’ve ever seen, Eric.”
“I promised…” I started, avoiding her eyes because I knew they’d cut my soul in half.
“You promised? You PROMISED? You promised me that you’d always keep me safe, Eric. You promised to tell me if someone was talking about me behind my back. I thought that meant that I meant enough to you that you’d tell me. I guess it didn’t.” she started, taking a breath and throwing Joey’s hoodie to my feet, “I cared about you but you didn’t care about me. So you take that hoodie back to the person who matters more than me and you tell him that I’m done. I’m done with him. I’m done with our relationship. I’m done with you.” she finished in a whisper, barely able to hold herself up. I was shaking a little, worried about her. We’d been friends since we were seven, us three. I’d known them both since I was born but we’d never really truly liked each other until seven.
I heard Bernie running and when I managed to look up, she was gone. I picked up Joey’s hoodie and took it back to him but when I found him he was making out with Alyssa. I threw the hoodie at him and vowed to be done with him until Bernie took him back. I didn’t know then that she wouldn’t be back to take him back. She wouldn’t be back ever."
She moved away the next day and all her stuff was moved out completely. The only thing she’d left was the picture that had been on her nightstand since before I could remember. It was a home made photo strip of us as babies, small kids around five, children at ten, teenagers around fourteen and finally one from just a few weeks ago at her eighteenth birthday party.
And that was the same picture I was holding in my hands right now, staring down into it like it would give me an answer as to why she’d just left me. Just left home. Just left everything. I sighed and sat down the picture in my stall, pulling on my skates as I prepared for practice. It was just another day in Pittsburgh for me and the Pens. And reminiscing in the past wasn’t going to help me any with my job. I sighed and stood up, jumping up and down to make sure all my gear was on correctly.
All through practice I could barely focus and it was hard for me to take direction from Dan while he led us on. Sidney and Jordan were trying to talk to me but I wasn’t really listening. I was really too far lost in an old love to care about what they were saying. I was too lost in thinking about a lost chance.
“Hey!” Jordan yelled, throwing his pads at my head as I sat down in my stall. It was the only thing that had gotten my attention all practice.
“Hmm?” I asked, looking up from the picture I now held in my hands again. It had gone everywhere with me from the time I’d gotten it in Bernie’s room after she’d left. Jordan turned his head sideways as he looked at me, curious to see my odd behavior. I’d always been a voice of joking but lately, and as it had always been around her birthday, I became a little down.
“Want to come to the movies with us? We’re going to see The Dark Knight. We thought maybe it’d get you out of your….. slump.” Sidney offered, nudging me as he walked by. I sighed and nodded a yes although I felt more like sitting around doing nothing. They all gave a small cheer and I smiled a little. Putting the picture back into my stall I got undressed and redressed again, knowing full well that we’d be heading to the movies right after everyone was ready. And sure enough I was right.
We made it there in no time and I waited behind Jordan to get my ticket, although I was really uncertain I could sit through a movie. Today was her birthday. Today was the day I’d made that one little promise that I’d always really meant. And the day I made the promise that I’d broken.
“Popcorn battle!” Jordan screamed throwing popcorn at my head as we sat down in the theatre. There was no one else in there except us. The movie had been out for a while anyway. I took my whole bag and smashed it down on top of Maxy’s head.
“Oh yeah. You got pwned.” I told him, laughing as he threw the bag off of his head and took what little popcorn was left inside it and whipping it at Jordan, who caught it skillfully in his mouth. Sidney began a skittle battle and after that it was all over. I slouched down into my seat as the movie started and the battle waged on. This’d be a long night.
Eventually halfway through I managed to get out of the theatre without being noticed. They were far too immersed in their war to notice me leaving anyway. I turned down the long hallways and finally discovered a movie that I’d really wanted to see. Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist. It looked like a plotline that might’ve made me feel a bit better. Love stories were always my thing, even way back when I was little. The great Godzilla had a soft spot.
><><>Bernie’s POV><><>
I smiled as I watched the movie. It was one of the best I’d ever seen. And it was making me blush. It was so cute to see young love. My birthday was today and I’d chosen to celebrate without anyone, since lately I didn’t really have anyone to celebrate with. Of course I had my family and I had a few friends but I didn’t have anyone worth inviting out with me.
“Excuse me, miss, can I sit here?” A low whispering voice asked from right above me. I didn’t glance up to see who was talking but motioned that it was alright.
“Yeah, sure sure.” I said, not looking away from the screen. I felt eyes on my but that was normal. I hadn’t dated since high school. I hadn’t dated since an asshole had broken my heart with the aid of my former best friend.
Halfway through the movie I remembered that I was holding popcorn. It was huge and I knew I wouldn’t be able to eat the whole thing by myself. I sighed and turned towards the guy sitting beside me. His hair fell down loosely over his eyes and he seemed really into the movie. I felt a little bad for disturbing him but I’d never been stingy with things I had an abundance of.
“Excuse me, want some popcorn?” I asked, nudging him lightly. At first he didn’t notice me so I nudged him again. He turned a little and looked at me, almost a little stunned. I sighed and thought he was going to just ignore me, or stare. He surprised me and smiled in the dark, taking a piece off the top.
“Thanks.” he whispered, throwing it into his mouth. I smiled and held the bag in between us, making sure that he could reach. At one point I sat it down in the cup holder and watched the movie. He seemed nice enough and once, when we’d both started laughing he’d commented on the movie. We were alone in the theatre but we were so silent. And finally as the movie got to its half point we both grabbed for popcorn at the same time. Our hands bumped and we both laughed a little nervously. Not my idea of a great way to meet a guy I barely knew.
“Sorry.” I whispered a little embarrassed. I heard him laughing a deep laugh and it lightened my mood. It was pleasant and I found myself wishing he’d do it again.
“It’s fine. You’re not as bad as my friends. They’re having a popcorn and skittle war in the Dark Knight theatre.” he answered. I laughed again and smiled at him, gaining a half smile back. Maybe this movie wouldn’t be the only highlight of my day.
We talked for the rest of the movie, laughing and joking with each other every few seconds. Eventually I was pretty sure we’d completely ignored the movie all together. I wrote my number down on his hand and he kissed mine gently when I passed him to go to get more popcorn. It was really just a cheap reason to leave. I was having fun with a guy. I was having fun and I was a little afraid. Walking into the lobby I heard a familiar name being spoken. A voice I loathed.
“Where do you think Godsy wandered off to?” a blonde I knew as Jordan Staal.
“He can’t have gone too far.” Sidney Crosby said as he walked up past me. I was stunned. I’d always told Godsy that he’d be good at hockey but I’d never foreseen him playing with Sidney Crosby.
“Well where is he?” Max Talbot asked, looking around in a confused way. I tried not to look at him but it was hard. I heard the door behind me opening and closing and all the hair on my neck stood up straight.
“Where’d you go, dude? You missed the movie!” Jordan called out. I found myself confused and I turned a bit more, glancing behind me to see a blast from the past that took my breath away. Eric Godard. He stood, hair messily down in his face, behind me. He had mostly changed. His bright blue green eyes hadn’t.
“I went to watch Nick and Norah’s,” he started, glancing down at the hand I’d written my number on. I felt the fire burning inside me. I never would’ve written it if I’d known it was him. “And I met a girl…” he glanced over and I looked away, watching Mikey, the sweetie behind the counter, getting my popcorn. I’d been in here enough to get special treatment from him. He was a little slower than most but he was nice enough to make sure that I was always taken care of.
“OoooO!” Jordan started, “What’d she look like?” I froze. I heard whispering and knew he was telling them it was me. Mikey sat my popcorn down in front of me on the counter as I heard the boys whispering back and forth behind me.
“Thanks, Mikey.” I said lightly, leaning down on the counter like I always did. He smiled and nodded.
“You’re welcome, Bernie. How was the movie?” he asked, always curious and wanting to have a conversation. I wanted to punch him. I heard Eric drawing in a surprised breath. I was done for now that he’d used my name.
“Isn’t that the name of the girl that brok-” Max started. Holding strong I answered Mikey, trying to ignore them and hoping they just went away.
“It was fine. Hey, I’ll see you later.” I told him, giving him a smile and turning away to see Eric’s blue green eyes staring down at me. He was close enough to touch but far enough away to keep me comfortable. Rage was building inside me. Ten year old scars turned into fresh bleeding wounds.
“Bernzie….?” Eric asked with shifting emotions in his voice. I could tell he was processing seeing me again. I hadn’t said anything to him before moving. But for good enough reason. I had things to do and places to go, none of which involved a liar of a best friend.
“Nicknames are made with love between friends, Eric.” I spat icily, attempting to keep my voice level.
“Ouch.” Billy Guerin commented from behind Sidney.
“I didn’t realize that was you…. You’re so different….” Eric said quietly, taking all of me in in the light. I was 5’5” with my same dark brown hair and hazel eyes. I really hadn’t changed all that much.
“Sure I did. I grew up and realized I couldn’t trust people who made promises to me.” I half growled under my breath, hating myself for ever enjoying his company at all. Regretting the nine numbers written with a smile on his hand.
“I kept my-” he began. I wanted to kill him now.
“The hell you did!” I half shouted. I felt the team back up with the slight surprise that I would openly take on a man who’s job it was to beat people up. Eric didn’t even move. His eyes tried to meet mine a few times and eventually did. I knew mine held hatred from old wounds but his held the same calm, careful concern they always had when we’d been friends.
“You don’t think I did but I kept it,” he whispered, glancing half heartedly down at his hand, “but that doesn’t make what I did right. So I’m really sorry for that. You ran out of my life before I could say it.”
“When I said I was done with you I meant apology or not. We had a great friendship and that was the end, “I began with a hard tone.
“Won’t you ever forgive me for caring enough to get rid of Joey’s friendship? I picked you over him. I came after you.” he said gently.
“You picked him, don’t lie to yourself.” I growled.
“I picked you, Bernie! I didn’t see Joey coming after you! I didn’t see Joey apologizing! I didn’t see Joey trying to comfort you!” he finally snapped, barking at me. His eyes had changed colors from calm to fiery pools of deep blue.
“You lied to me for eight years! Eight years of my life I’d spent with Joey and he’d been cheating and you knew! You knew and you let it keep happening. And that’s pain that will never go away!” I said, feeling the anguish of ten years weighing on me. I knew my eyes were starting to water but I fought back the tears. I knew he’d caught it. He still knew me a lot better than I thought. He dropped his fighting stance and moved to wrap me up in his arms. I thought about letting him do it for a minute before side stepping and moving backwards. I couldn’t let him step back into my life. “Don’t touch me.”
“Just calm down for a seco-” he started. I shook my head and sat my popcorn down on the counter. Mikey looked a little confused as I stared Eric down.
“I don’t want to be near you. I don’t want to talk to you, Eric. It’s been ten years since you crossed me and I don’t want our paths to cross again because history repeats itself. So just forget you ever saw me here. Forget we ever laughed in the theater. Forget me.” I told him with as best of a sincere tone as I could muster. I turned away from him swiftly and walked away, tears falling down my face. It hurt so much but I’d made my decision all those years ago and I wasn’t going back on it because of one little mistake.
><><><Eric’s POV><><><
I stared after her with the heartache of ten years weighting me down and I couldn’t run after her like my mind was screaming for me to. I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned to see Max, looking quite perplexed next to me. He didn’t speak a word before Jordan.
“God damn that girl was hot.” he finally let out like he’d been holding it inside for forever. Hot wasn’t even a word that did her justice. Fucking gorgeous, beautiful, stunning. An angel was more like it.
“You were in love with her?” Max asked, confused. One eyebrow was raised as he looked after her and I felt myself feel a little insulted. Love wasn’t even the word I would have used. And past tense? I don’t think I’d ever stopped loving her.
“I-” I started, thinking, “w-was in love with her.” I said fakely, knowing that I still was in love. Madly in love.
“Why? She seems like a bitch.” he said thoughtfully. I couldn’t stop myself and before I knew what I’d done my fist was colliding full force with Max’s face. He staggered back and was barely caught by Jordan and Sidney.
“Hey. Don’t say that to me, Maxime.” I growled, feeling pure rage. He stood and with some sway made it to the counter to clean up the blood rushing from his nose.
“What the fuck was that, Eric?” Sidney asked, shocked. I took a breath and my muscles loosened up; my fist unclenched. I took another breath and with that I felt my eyes aching; wanted to tear up like they had when Bernie’s mother had informed me that she couldn’t tell me where Bernie was for me to send her a birthday card the first year she was gone. Bernie had told her at no cost should she ever tell me where she’d gone. I managed to hold all of it in.
“I.. I don’t know.” I said quietly, trying to say calm. Max had managed to stop the blood flow and Jordan was helping the kid behind the counter, I’d heard her calling him Mikey, clean up the floor. Billy pulled me out of the theater into the chilly January air and I knew he was in trouble when he grabbed me by both my shoulders. It was something I’d seen him do to his own kids when they’d done something wrong and something he’d done with the guys if they’d done poorly or needed a pick me up. This didn’t look like any of those things.
“I just watched you get your soul stomped on my a girl that I’ve never even met and I watched you stand there and take it with some sort of crazy ass strength I’ve never even seen come out of you. And if you’ve got the strength enough to stand there and let that girl stomp on you then you’ve sure as hell got strength to control yourself.” he told me, it sounded scolding but slowly it meshed to something else.
“I know I can control myself I just-” I started before he shook his head.
“You just nothing. This doesn’t have to do with the fact that you just broke Max’s face in half. This has to do with the fact that you broke his face in half for insulting a girl that just took every ounce of dignity you ever had and walked all over it. Now I know that you used to love this girl because the guys have mentioned it a couple times when I asked what your deal with that picture in your stall was about but if you love her that much you need to do something more creative with the flame. Don’t just stand around, try to find her. Try to apologize. Try to get her to listen to you-” I couldn’t help it and I laughed.
“Oh you have no idea how hard what you’re saying actually is,” I told him with a haze in my mind, “She’s fiery and she knows what she wants and what she doesn’t,”
“And that’s why you shouldn’t let her go. You know that’s the reason you love her. She’s not like anyone else you’ll ever meet and if you let this go you’re an idiot, Eric.” he told me, half shaking me back and forth.
“But if she doesn’t want to talk to me she won’t. That’s just her,” I tried to start again.
“Do yourself a favor and write down those numbers on your hand. She’s obviously in love with the side of you she saw in that theatre. Maybe she’ll get past herself and make amens.” he said, letting me go. I nodded and sighed to myself, watching my breath show up in the cold. I couldn’t tell if it was just that freezing outside or the frozen air was caused by her icy tone when she’d gone.
And a few weeks passed after that. I could still see her as clear as day when I closed my eyes and every time I had a dream it was of us. We were happy and laughing and it was the best memory of us I had. I held it nearer than the photo strip with her number scribbled on the back. We’d been in the field of the lake downtown. It was just before Joey had asked her out and just after I’d started to fall for her. We were young but I knew love when I felt it. I’d cornered her near a huge oak tree and stolen a kiss before running away down the field and toppling over into a pile of leaves. Everything I knew and everywhere I went I just couldn’t get her out of my head. Billy was almost killing me for not trying to find her but I couldn’t force myself back into her life. Either she took me back or she didn’t. Simple. Either way, she still haunted my thoughts.
><><><Bernie’s POV><><><
Valentine’s day was upon me and I didn’t even want to try to think about it. I was alone, again, as I had been every year for eleven years. I couldn’t count the number of times I felt like I should date again but then stopped myself, fearing another heartache.
To top it all off, I’d gotten a text message this morning inviting me to a Valentine’s dance at the Tavern downtown; party courtesy of the Pittsburgh Penguins. I was too surprised and thankful to decline but after a few moments of clarity I realized that going to that party would mean going to a place I knew he’d be. I hoped he’d just stay home like I’d planned to. I tried to decline after a while of worry but Billy Guerin was a tough customer and eventually convinced me to come.
I got dressed quickly, not really caring much to fix myself up more than I had this morning when I’d woken. My eyeliner was still relatively okay and my hair was pulled up messily with a few pieces falling down. My dress was simple enough, black with a red belt that tied in a bow in the back.
When I arrived I was pleasantly surprised to see the place was packed full of people and I took a seat near the bar, recognizing the barkeep. He brought me my usual seltzer and I sipped it, looking around as all the couples paired off and danced or made eyes at each other from across a table. I saw Sidney Crosby and his girlfriend in a corner chatting and Jordan Staal with a new girl at a table not too far from them. Max even had a girl. Now I really felt left out. I was about ready to leave when Billy stopped me.
“Hey,” he said lightly, “how’s it going?” he asked, sitting his drinks down on the bar and smiling a crooked Billy Guerin smile at me.
“It’s going as well as it can without a date on Valentine’s day at a party where the couples are making me sick.” I told him, looking back at my seltzer. I stared into the bubbles for a minute, listening to him laughing.
“I’m sure you can find someone,” he assured, nudging me, “Just wait for a song and look uninterested. Trust me, someone around will get interested.” and with that little bit he walked away towards where his wife sat, staring at him intently with a love that I recognized from when I’d been dating a long time ago. I hadn’t felt that feeling in a long time.
A slower song came on, ‘Say Goodbye’. It wasn’t exactly the best Valentine’s song but I didn’t care. I was here for Billy’s invitation so I sat quietly and just drank my seltzer, watching the couples turning on the floor. The sound of someone talking from right next to me scared me half to death. Combined with the sound of a voice I knew better than my own it was about enough to make me jump and run away. Eric.
“Valentine’s day isn’t a good holiday,” he started. I looked over at him with venom but was stopped by the glazed over look in his eyes. It was enough to stop me from yelling for a minute. “Please,” he half begged, “Please don’t get up and run away and yell at me.”
I complied, if only for the sake of leaving him alone and not having to converse and I turned back to my drink. After a while I felt him get up and leave. Breathing a sigh I turned to look back over the dance floor, finding a little note sitting where Eric had just been. It was written in his hand and I saw my name etched across the front in his semi-neat letters. I saw no harm in opening it. Somehow when I’d seen him the rage hadn’t filled me up. Just a pleasant feeling I’d had when we were friends.
Inside the note were lines from ‘I Don’t Know You Anymore’, some were a little different.
‘I would like to visit you for a while. Get out of this city. Maybe I should’ve have called but I couldn’t be the first to break. We’d go sit on your back porch. Relax. Talk about anything. It wouldn’t matter. I’d be courageous if you could pretend that you’ve forgiven me.
Because I don’t know you anymore. I don’t recognize this place. The picture frames have changed and so has your name. We don’t talk much anymore. We keep running from the pain. But what I wouldn’t give to see your face again.
I know I let you down. Again and again. I know I never really treated you right. I’ve paid the price. I’m still paying for it everyday…’
I paused, noticing the last few lines really hit me hard in the chest. They were bolded from multiple tracings and underneath there sat more. I tried to keep my composure as I read on.
‘It’s the best I can do not to freak out every time I see you. Ten years since you fought with me. Ten years since Joey decided to do something stupid and drag me into his lies. I wish he’d never told me. I lost something more important than him that day. This is my last attempt, it’s the last plea I can make to you since I can’t make you listen to me say them. Can’t you just forgive me for something stupid that Joey did? I didn’t break a promise to you. I kept it. I promised to protect you. I was protecting you from the truth because I didn’t want to hurt you. And you were hurt. It still hurts just thinking about watching you running away into the courtyard.
But ten years from now I’ll still think about you. I can almost promise it. Cause I’ve never stopped. But I can’t force you to forgive and forget. So this is all I can say; Please. -Eric’
I could see that he’d written Godsy but erased it to write his first name. I sat the note down on the bar and read it again. I waited around for a while but he didn’t’ come back like I thought he might. Standing up I looked around a little, trying to be nonchalant. Finally, amidst the crowd of people I found him talking with Billy. Sighing I walked through the crowd and found them, tapping Billy’s shoulder. He turned on me and smiled a little in his own way, taking immediate leave. Eric didn’t meet my eyes, instead he was staring down, hair falling over his face messily.
A few minutes passed before I finally said something. I could almost feel him standing up straighter as soon as my voice floated through the air.
“You know, dance floors aren’t meant for standing.” I said quietly. He glanced up at me and I looked at him with nothing more than a friendly half smile that was tugging at my lips. Ten years of withheld friendship with him had really taken a toll on me and it as time to start getting that time back.
“Am I…” he asked softly, voice almost lost by the sound of ‘Truly Madly Deeply’ playing over the stereo.
“Forgiven for things that happen ten years ago? Yes. Off the hook for letting me stand her like an idiot on the other hand…. I don’t know.” And for the first time in years, the first time since I’d realized who he was outside of the dark theater, we laughed together.
“Would you,” he started, offering me a shaking hand, “like to dance?”
“Mhm..” I whispered, taking his hand and letting him pull me into the crowded, dim dance floor. I hadn’t danced with him for so long but it felt pretty natural. The old song faded off and I heard the familiar guitar of my favorite small town band, City and Colour. I recognized the sounds of ‘The Girl’
“I missed this.” Eric whispered, leaning his head on top of mine. I sighed and finally let up the guard wall that had been protecting me all these years. And I had to admit I’d really missed his company in all the years that I’d been away from him. He’d been the best friend I’d ever had and more and I’d completely shunned him for ten years.
“I know the feeling.” I replied quietly as we continued to sway to the beat. I was lost for a minute in the guitar interlude before I heard a semi-familiar sound.
“I wish I could do better by you, Cause it’s what you deserve. You sacrifice to much of your life. In order for this to work. While I’m off chasing my own dreams. Sailing around the world, Please know that I’m yours to keep, My beautiful girl.” Eric was singing, if not more than softly to himself, “When you cry a piece of my heart dies, Knowing that I may have been the cause. If you were to leave, fulfill someone else’s dreams, I think I might totally be lost.”
“I haven’t heard you sing in so long. Nice to see you’re still amazing.” I commented, pulling my head away from him and looking up into his green blue eyes for the first time with the intention of being able to look away. That was, however, not the case. I couldn’t tear my eyes away from his, trapped in a paralyzing stare into my soul.
“It’s always easy to sing lyrics to songs that relate to things you’ve actually been through.” he told me quietly. It was then when I noticed how close he was, “There are some things I never said back when we were kids. And I guess I lied about them.”
“And those things were…?” I asked, breathing lightly as I kept staring back into his eyes. He sighed and broke our eye contact for a minute before looking back.
“I always told people when they asked me that I was happy for Joey to be dating you. I hated him for it. I always told people that asked me if I was jealous no. I was. I always told people who asked if I like you that I didn’t as more than my best friend. It was the biggest lie I’ve ever told.” he whispered, just barely audible over the song.
“Why’s that-?” I said cutting myself short as I tried to search for the answer in those captivating eyes of his.
“Because for eighteen years I’ve been telling myself that I didn’t. I lied to everyone else. I lied to myself. I lied to you.” he explained it away easily, like a weight was lifting off him he became more relaxed with every word, “I loved you long before Joey ever even thought about asking you out. And I still love you.”
“Eric, I-” I tried to begin but he trapped me, too close for me to speak with a correct thought in my mind.
“I just can’t lie to myself anymore.” he mumbled half into my lips as he kissed me. I felt firecrackers going down my spine when he kept kissing me long after I thought he might stop. It was an adventure through emotions I’d never experience before. And when he pulled away I took in a heavy breath, staring into his eyes. They were soft and full of light now, brighter than I’d ever seen them before.
“Promise me something right now,” I whispered, immediately catching his attention. His lips twisted up a little into a half smile as he leaned his forehead on mine, still swaying in the music with me.
“Anything.” he said, pushing his fingers lightly through mine and lacing them tightly. I glanced away from him and smiled.
“Don’t ever lie to me like that again.” I said, finally looking back. He laughed and a wide smile crossed his face. The hair covering his eyes was nothing to stop the look he was giving me and the dim lights were doing nothing to hold in the feelings he was radiating and the ones that were flying through my body. He got just close enough to talk when I thought he was going to just kiss me.
“It’s a promise, my beautiful girl.” And his lips were on mine again. My heart soared and my brain was screaming. The butterflies in my stomach were tap dancing in a jig of glee. My back was exploding with fireworks. I had my best friend back. I had a love deeper than I’d ever had before. I had a man who cared about me more than anything in the world. I had Eric Godard. And I was never going to let him go again.
